Ever since I was little I have been plagued by envy and thoughts of being other than myself. "Please God let me wake up tomorrow and be a genius at playing a musical instrument, even if it means my brother now can't". "Please God let me wake up tomorrow and be a member of the Lady's PGA". "Please God, let me wake up tomorrow and have well developed calf muscles". The perverse combination of being nakedly mortified of myself and wanting attention for great accomplishments has fueled this type of prayer and other related hopes and fears. Lately my fancies have been somewhat of the military kind: an interest in my family's genealogy and a love of the 19th Century in America have mixed themselves up into an impossible longing to be a hero on the battlefield. Or the Streets of Laredo. Whatever! Luckily I have painting because I use my panels to help me live out my little fantasies and passions. I do have some "real" things in my life but the older I get, the more I realize how much I live in my studio.